I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
