Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize