hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
