if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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