Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize