they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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