Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As shirtless as possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
