i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
