He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
