That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize