the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize