Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize