Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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