Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
