thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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