he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
