I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
