Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
