you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
