He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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