The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
