are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
