Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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