Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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