but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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