you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
