Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
