Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
