OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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