i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
