Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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