don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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