i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
