I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
