I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
