Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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