One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
