My room smells like vodka and shame
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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