i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
