Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
