So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
