please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
too bad you live with your parents still
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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