I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
worst night to have a conscience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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