You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
