thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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