So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
