low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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