I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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