shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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