I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
