My sheets look like a crime scene.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
