Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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