I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
