We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
