do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
