This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
