got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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