I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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