You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
