worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
