I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
