Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
