trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize