If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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