i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
