It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
